Oh my goodness, what has happened to my sweet little man?! Terrible Twos? ...no, no, no. More like Terrible Threes. It started one random Saturday while I was, of course, home alone while hubby was golfing. I have never, EVER seen my son behave in such a manner. Black was white, up was down and the noises that were coming out of his little mouth were loud enough to alert the entire neighborhood. He wanted milk, he didn't want milk. He wanted to eat lunch, he didn't want to eat lunch. He wanted the blue cup, NO! the red cup, and on and on and on................
I swear, it was like he was having an exorcism.
What to do when your child acts like this? Frankly...No. Idea. Whatsoever. Should I reason with him? Try to calm him down? Tell him to stop? Put him in his room?
The latter option won out as I finally decided to firmly put my foot down and demonstratively declare: "I am in charge, not you!". I simply picked him up, kicking and screaming, and carried him up to his room. I closed his door and put a gate across it to prevent my little escape artist from getting out.
Did it work? I'm not so sure. He absolutely FREAKED OUT when I put him in his room, screaming "No, Mommy, NO, NO!" at the peak of his voice and lung capacity. Being that he is my first child, I normally would have been guilt stricken and gone in to comfort him. But, again, I was taking a stand and making the decision to (hopefully) nip whatever this was in the bud, and prevent it from happening again. After all, I thought, my child doesn't act like this.
Silly, silly Mommy.....this was of course going to happen again, and again and again. Why?
Because my son is three and he is learning to deal with his emotions. Is
he tired? Maybe. Is he frustrated? Perhaps. Is he just done and in need
of a break? Most likely.
The more I thought about it (and chatted with my sympathetic girlfriends about it over a glass or two of wine), adults have tantrums too. I know I do. We just understand how to channel our emotions a bit better than a developing child....at least sometimes :) There are certainly days when I want to kick and scream and shout because something or many things aren't going my way. Sometimes I do. Afterwards, I usually feel better for having vented my frustrations.
But the question still remains: how to deal with a three year old temper tantrum? Now that I have a little experience under my belt - my qualifier being four months with a tantrum-prone toddler - I am usually able to recognize the warning signs. First: hunger, tiredness, frustration, etc., or a combination of one or all of these attributes; Second, the whining usually precedes the meltdown. I can usually tell when my son is having an off day, or is particularly sensitive or emotional; Third: no amount of distraction or redirection is able to pull my little man out of his funk. Yet even still, when the tantrum begins and quickly escalates (as they always seem to do), I am never quite prepared for the outburst. YOWZA!!!!
I am aware that consistency is key as well. I attempt to adopt the same reaction each time a tantrum breaks out. Most importantly, I try to remain calm: deep, deep yoga breathing almost like the type adopted while enduring labor - breathe in, breathe out, calm air in, tense air out. Ignoring the outburst has been key as well. If he is going to throw himself on the floor and freak out, he can throw himself on the floor and freak out; if he is screaming at me, I will pick him up and take him to his room and shut the door. I don't yell (at least I try not to), I do not tell him to stop (very hard not to voice this), I just let the emotional roller coaster take its ride. After all, the tantrum will not go on forever, it will end at some point. The tricky park is how to navigate both of us through it.
Of course, I am reflecting upon all of the above while a tantrum is not in progress. While in the eye of the storm it is definitely hard to keep calm and carry on, if you will, adhering to my cool-calm-collective-consistent facade. Thankfully, I have a lot of practice to get it right.
